Nerd-o-ween.

I'm one of those girls who loves Halloween - the candy, the pumpkins, the costumes - but as the years go on my priority on Halloween is finding a comfortable outfit where I don't have to wear heels.

Halloween now equals comfort and simplicity to me. I love it.

This year I celebrated Hallow's Eve with one of my best friends at Nerd-o-ween. You read that right. The Chicago Nerd Social Club threw a party at a bar, and while I've never been to any of their events, my bestie is part of some Chicago Sci-Fi club so she knew people there. And I'm always up for something new.

So what did I go as? Are you ready?
I'm pretty sure you'll either know it or you won't.

Any guesses???

fear of men or myself.

Does anyone else do this?

And by this I mean: I like him. I don't like. Do I like him? I like him.
It drives me crazy.

After my great first date last week, I was smitten. I liked how he went out of his way to go out in my neighborhood. I like how he refused to let me pay. I like how he walked me home. What can I say, I'm old fashioned. I love the idea of courting and getting to know someone.

Date two was just as nice. We went out. He picked me up. He paid. But the difference this time was that I started asking myself, Wait? Do I really like him? What are these feelings? Am I just attracted to him? And honestly, it drove me a little crazy.

But the thing that really drives me crazy is the fact that I wanted there to be no doubt in my mind that he is someone I'd like to date longer after 2 dates. But isn't that the point of dating? Aren't more dates the way you get to know someone new, see how you are together and figure it out as time goes on. I'm not saying I want to know if I'm going to be with someone forever after two dates, but I think a lot gets lost if you don't let yourself doubt or give yourself permission to have your feelings be unknown.

Fear can be a strange manipulator, and I'm sure this all comes down to me letting the fear of a new beginning take over. But with awareness I'm going to try to slow down my mind and just see how it goes. Because right now? Right now, I do like him. I get excited when I hear from him. I want to see him again. And I know he's into me. I'd say that's pretty good after two dates, and date three is on the horizon. I'm excited for that, too.

slacker sunday: doggies.

Apparently I like taking pictures of dogs while on vacation.

pumpkin time.

When it comes to pumpkins I'm totally that girl who gets all excited about carving one, so when some friends asked me to join them for pumpkins and wine, I was most definitely there.

Look at my creativity! Who could top that?

Oh. Everyone else.

But really. I love my pumpkin. He's like Sci-Fi or something. Can't you see it? Those direct eyes. Fire tongue. Pumpkin from the future!

What?

first dates.

How to prepare for a first date:

1. FREAK OUT!

2. Try to distract yourself with writing cover letters or working in some way shape or form.

3. Email your friends about your upcoming date.

4. Go to a class at the gym to get rid of unneeded stress.

5. Hate the gym for hurting so much.

6. Be exhausted and shower.

7. Change outfits a billion times.

8. Leave only enough time as needed to get ready.

9. Listen to Glee cast sing about busting windows.

10. Leave house late for date even though you totally planned on being on time.

11. Get there.

After date:

1. Report back to friends.

2. Rejoice in the fact that it went well for once.

3. Be giddy.

slacker sunday: seasons

Won't be seeing these again for awhile.

grandparents.

My dad's recently been going through old family photos and uploading them to his computer. I love these little surprise emails of the past. There's something so romantic about old photographs. Maybe it's the black and white. Or the old fashion. Or the thoughts of a time when you weren't around but so many other people were.

My grandma is the sassy one. The one with great outfit and hand on her hip. I love this. Not only because it is my family, but also because I love seeing my grandma when she was younger. It's a great reminder of how your family had lives before you. So often I think as kids of parents, we forget that our parents had lives like we do now. And not just our parents, but our grandparents too.

None of my grandparents are alive now, and I miss them. I miss their stories, their craziness, their laughs. Their smiles.

There's nothing like a smile from someone you love, whether it be in jest or innocence, in joy or sorrow.

I was very fortunate to have known them for as long as I did. I love having pictures to remind me of that and them.

the link.

It always amazes me how quickly music can take you back to a certain time, a certain moment.

As I downloaded Journey's greatest hits from my sister's CD collection, Anyway you Want It threw me back to BC blasting it in his open-roof Jeep, to make me laugh, in the summer, after we ate pizza at Edwardo's on Wrightwood. That's what amazes me. The specifics. I could hear this song anywhere and be sent back right there.

This has the opportunity to be good or bad depending on your relationship with nostalgia.
For me? I'm quite a lover of it.

That feeling is so powerful. Even if it is not only the music, but the story behind it that makes you remember, the music plays an important role, a link.

I still laugh when I hear that song.

let go.

I was let go today.
Not the only one.
Just another sign.
An economy that's taking its time
bouncing back.

I'm not mad.
I'm sad.

I have SO MUCH
I want to do, and
while this gives me
the time,
I lack in
the funds.

Or more like it:
they're nonexistent.
No exaggeration,
unfortunately.

What's that saying?
Things could be worse.
Cliché. Trite. True.

I'm feeling kinda stuck...

BUT.

I did recently
say I wanted more time
to send out applications
like crazy, so
here's my chance.

I'm scared.
There. I said it.

But it's not going to stop me.

quickie chili.

One of my favorite parts of cold weather is the warm comfort food that often accompanies it. I am what they call: one who does not cook. Well, that's part lie. I do enjoy throwing together simple recipes that I can also freeze or eat the next day, but overall I tend to eat easily prepared meals, like cereal or yogurt.

Yet, in the fall and winter I have some favorite go-to meals. Quickie Chili (sans meat) is one of them. I'd be surprised to find an easier recipe for chili that is still delicious. One of my friends gave me the recipe back in 2004, and I've made it multiple times since then because of it's simplicity. Noone can screw this one up. Not even me.

Pinto beans, tomatoes with diced green chili peppers, black beans.

All mixed up.

Topped with cheese and crackers.
That's what makes it so good anyways, right?
(Hence, the barely visible beans)

RECIPE: Quickie Chili

Ingredients: 30 oz. of your favorite canned chili beans, rinsed and drained.
1 can (14.5 oz) chili-style tomatoes with diced green chili peppers
1 teaspoon sugar
1 teaspoon ground cumin
Cheese and crackers to your liking.

Instructions: In a large saucepan, combine beans, tomatoes w/ diced green chili peppers, sugar and cumin. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Reduce the heat to medium-low and cook for 12 mins. Serve topped with cheddar and crackers. ENJOY!

slacker sunday: dreams.

I'm catching my own dreams.

29.

If I quickly look back a year ago today, it's easy to think that nothing has changed. I'm still looking for a job. I'm still not in a relationship. I'm still living in the same apartment.

But if I take the time to look more closely, I realize SO MUCH has changed. Yes, I may be in a similar position overall except for the fact that a year ago I didn't blog. A year ago I wasn't in a book club. A year ago I had never twittered [collective gasp]. A year ago I hadn't met some amazing people who I now call friends.

And it doesn't stop with the online world. Even though I've been struggling in a financial and stability type of way, I've been making the effort to push myself forward, and lo-and-behold, that actually works. I not only played volleyball on the beach for an individual team, but I subbed a lot, which led me to being asked to play on a team this fall.

I started to say yes more. Believe me that makes a difference. I started riding my bike as a form of transportation. I began signing up for free bootcamp classes at my gym. When someone asked me if I was interested in something, I opened up and asked more questions rather than taking the usual comfortable way of just saying no. I also learned how and when to say no when I really am not interested in doing something.

I did online dating. Asked guys out in person. Put myself out there.

These are all pretty amazing feats for me because sometimes I just feel so out of place because I don't want to miss out on opportunities, but I truly enjoy spending time alone. I guess, like everything, it's all about the balance. And if that's what getting older means, figuring out that balance (Yes, I'm proud Libra), I couldn't be happier to be turning 29 today.

Here's to another year of surprises. I can't wait to see what's around the corner.