what have i gotten myself into.

December is going to be a big month for me if I complete what I've set out to do. What is it you may ask? Well, I've decided to take part in The Best of 2009 Blog Challenge. If you haven't heard about it yet, it's from the awesomely active social media woman Gwen Bell. Basically it comes down to a list of your own, or mine I should say, best memories, experiences and life happenings in the year of 2009. The reason I've decided to do it is:

1. I love reflecting on my past to see how I've come to where I am today.
2. I love lists.
3. I love a challenges.
4. I love goals.
   

So if you want to participate too, hop on over here and check it out!

And wish me luck. I'm going to need it.

happy thanksgiving.

I'm thankful for so much. I'm thankful to have a job. I'm thankful to have a home. I'm thankful to have food to eat. I'm also thankful for all the people I love so dearly, my family, my friends and for all those who continue to challenge me. I'm thankful for my hands, my legs, my breath.

I'm grateful for my past that has led to me to now. I'm grateful for all the the gorgeousness which surrounds me and the bumps and the bruises. I'm grateful for laughter. Lots of it. Mine. Yours. Random strangers whose laughs make me smile.

I try to live each day with gratitude. I know I'm very fortunate even when all seems lost. I know my family will always support me and who I've become. I know my friends will be there for me to lean on, or listen. I know when it comes down to it, my relationships are what matter the most to me. They guide me, challenge me. And for that I'm always thankful, grateful and so very blessed.

woo!

The sweet Walking on Sunshine (go check her out!) passed on the Kreativ Blogger award to me, and I couldn't be happier because I love learning random facts about people.

The Rules are for Kreativ Blogger are:

1. List 7 things about myself others may not know

2. Award 7 people with the reward

And while I know some people do not "do" the award thing, I'd say take it if you want it because I know my readers are creative folks.

So the 7 things you are just dying to know about me that you don't already know are:

1. I won't buy dented boxes when buying groceries.
2. I knocked out my front tooth when I was one and it didn't grow all the way back in until I was seven.
   
3. I was in show choir in high school.
4. I like to pick up pretty leaves on walks.
   
5. I eat every 2-3 hours.
6. I have a temper that only few have seen.
   
7. I trust my intuition above everything else.
   

slacker sunday: holiday windows

Last winter I visited one of my best friends in NYC.
We went to see the Bergdorf Goodman Holiday Windows.
It. was. amazing.
Animals painting animals?
Yes, please.

frustration, then elation.

After applying to all of these places for seasonal/retail work:

• Target - 3 locations
  
• Crate & Barrel - 3 locations
  
• Borders
• Macy's - 2 locations
  
• Ann Taylor Loft
• Lululemon - 3 locations
  
• Best Buy
• Sabon
• Equinox
• Fleet Feet

I FINALLY got a job at the Crate & Barrel Outlet; I could not be happier about it! I never thought I'd say that about retail, but if there's one thing this bad economy has taught me, it's to be thankful for work.

sometimes.

...I want to ignore everything online.
...I like staying at home alone.
...I love being away from technology.
...I feel like I'm missing out.
...I couldn't care less.
...I contradict myself.

...All I want to do is sit.

a sweetness so sweet.

The last time I opened up my heart was a long time ago.

It was one of those crazy loves. The kind that's so deep you don't even know what to do with it. And that's exactly what happened. We got to a point, and there was nowhere left to go but apart. I could say that I've been in love before that. Hell, I even thought I was with other boyfriends, but when it comes down to it, that love was my first true heart wrenching love. It was fantastic. Until it fell apart.

It took me awhile to sweep up all those pieces. They kept rattling around and dropping back on the floor, and just when I'd think I was good to go, I'd lose another part. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Fast forward to now, and I can say after all that guarded time of comforting myself with my own sadness, I stepped forward and let go a little. Threw my heart out on a line. Let it sit. Let it dance. Let it dangle for someone to catch. (Forgive the metaphor.) And it happened. It opened up again to someone new, someone sweet. No, not a love. Not by any means. But a like.

A caring. A sweetness. A feeling that reminded me it's okay to be vulnerable because those new beginnings are full of goodness.

Short story short. It didn't work out. It wasn't even a relationship in the traditional sense, but it was special because it was a moment, a time in my life, where I let myself feel again.

slacker sunday: shoes.

I'm not really a shoe person.
(Or a shopper.)
I buy only one or two pairs a year.
But I love these moccasins.
I want more.

les copains.

When it rains, it pours.

I swear, they're coming out of the woodworks right now, and I've never understood how they know how to do that, know when to come out of hiding.

New ones. Old ones. In-between ones.
All at once.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. But it really amazes me since it's happened multiple times. What energy am I sending out that transcends everything else?

This just furthers my believe in the universe and the spiritual world and the connectedness of people. I'm okay with that, too. I actually kind of love it.

Responsibility might not be all it's cracked up to be.

Sometimes I tire from doing what I'm supposed to do.
The responsibility can be exhausting.

But now that I've started to do things that may be considered carefree and irresponsible, it's got me wondering...who is forming these judgments of what's right or wrong? Me?

I guess it is true that you can be your own worst enemy.

Because doing what I wouldn't normally do tends to make me think more, learn more about myself and question my decisions.

And if I really believe in evolving and learning the most about myself that I can in this lifetime, then maybe I shouldn't be so responsible. Maybe I've used responsibility as a way to stay away from certain parts of my life where I can learn about who I really am.

Or maybe I just want a pass to be irresponsible. That's probably more like it. Damn.

slacker sunday: fall.

Fresh air and the sky is on fire.

I love the fall.